#questionaffectedmymind..

bismillah..

assalamualaikum..

bukan sekali dua ada meeting 2 KALI direct petang+malam sekali..mmg penat sbb pagi tu ada hal lain so mmg kena sadokan hati betul2 dan sentiasa tajdid niat balik sbb apa yg sy buat skrang berkait dengan akhirat juga so ikhlaskan hati walaupun serasa tak mampu dan mmg nangis jugalah sbb balik2 bilik nmpak romate dah tido then belajar entah ke mana assignment x sentuh lagi on9 quiz x buat lagi then masalah2 lain lagi..kalau nak listkan mmg tak akan habis..

perasan tak?semakin kita fikir pasal bnda tu semakin bnyak dia list dalam fikiran..so cara yg sy buat why not ambil kertas ambil pen kaler purple (sbb sy addicted warna ni) then jot down the priorities and buat solution untuk setiap masalah..paling top sekali buat yg kena siapkan dan selesaikan awal then proceed terus dgan solution dia..paling penting..

JANGAN BERTANGGUH!!!

itu penyakit yg mmg x boleh nak buang as a student kalau sylah sbb fikir alahbnyak masa lagi n etc alih2 amek kau kerja bertimbun then sanalah kau akan start stress and x tentu hala..mulalah mood swing bagai nak tegur pun takut sbb muka masyaAllah..kalah tu hantu mak limah..:P,hah x da lah..but basically get the point right?so,better start now than never,chewah ayat bak hang..

ekcelly(broken bi sory sengaja :P), bukan tu yg nak cerita ada bnda lain nak share..basically sy suka share pasal dia skrang ni..dont know what is the exact reason but i really want to talk about him these few days..

these past few days,alhamdulillah dia makin ok but i dont know whether he is totally ok or just pretending to be ok just to make me feel ease and happy but i really hope that he is totally ok,inside and out..nak dijadikan cerita,tgah hari kemarin i told my story to one of my closest romate,and it was unexpected lesson to me from her..

i told her that right now i've been like a different person,where i have to swallow all the pain and sadness alone without sharing with him coz it's my fault that i make him cry and so on..sy bgtau juga yg skrang ni dia mcm dah jadi fake and hipocrite person because of me..and i was crying while telling her that situation..it felt really a burden for me sbb buat dia jadi mcm tu..

then,she express her opinion to me which sy sangka itulah sebenarnya yg sy kurang dkat dia..which is:

'ummu,he's not being a fake and hipocrite person,dia sedang berkorban perasaan dia yg sebenar just untuk pertahankan hugungan tu sbb dia betul2 nak dengan ummu,jganlah ckap yg dia pura2 happy and so on,tapi ingatlah sebenarnya dia  buat semua tu atas dasar pengorbanan untuk ummu..'

and i was like:

'pengorbanan?'annoying kot muka sy masa tu sbb at that point sy sngat blank n x mampu nak hadam apa yg romate ckap..

then,after semua tu,i was in a deep thinking..knapa org lain boleh nmpak pengorbanan tu sedangkan yg dalam hubungan tu skrang ialah sy dgan dia bukan dia dgan org lain?how come is it so hard for me to appreciate him just being in the state with me,his sacrifices and loyalty is beyond my imagination..ya Allah masa tu rasa mcm kena hempap batu beribu tan lepas tu kena tanam paling bawah sekali dalam kerak bumi..

smpai skrang sy tefikir mcm mna dia boleh tahan dengan smua yg pernah sy buat dgan dia dari dulu smpai skrang sbb its not once or twice but it did happen for so many times..how he endure the pain alone?without telling me and despite his sadness he's still making his effort in making me happy and not worry about a single thing?

ya,from that point,sy sedar sy kurang menghargai org yg selalu ada dgan sy,one of the person is him..sbb tu lah my Umi selalu pesan,jgan mainkan perasaan org kalau kita tak mampunak balas balik mcm mna org tu ada erasaan dkat kita..dan sy tefikir mungkin juga sy berada di tahap perasaan yg berbeza dari dia skrang mungkin sbb tu jugalah sy susah nak nmpak pengorbanan yg dia buat untk sy..

*deep sigh*...

apa yg sy boleh buat skrang cuba untuk bertahan..ketepikan ego tapi tetap menjaga maruah diri dan batas2 yg sepatutnya..ketepikan perasaan sndiri walaupun sakit,tapi sakit2 sy sakit lagi dia..so just endure the pain and always adress your prayers to Allah..

written by D.U.A...

#demammigraintaklaratnakbuatkerja...

#nakbaliksabahjumpaUmidanAyah..

#ummisayangabah..